Gone with the Wind (1939)
Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
THE SUMMARY: Discount Dorothy sluts it up all Civil War-long and gets all her husbands and children killed, except the only man with enough sense to walk away. It’s long, it’s boring, and it’s about an insufferable bitch everybody seems to love and respect for completely inexplicable reasons. I’d rather have my leg amputated with with a used Gettysburg hacksaw than watch it again.
FROM MOVIE-PICKER ‘THE EVOLUTIONARY CONSERVATIVE’: An epic classic that looks at the South’s final days before, during and post Civil War. It’s probably best to watch the film in two sessions, using the intermission as a break. I love how unapologetic the film is as it attempts to recreate a time long past. It is the highest grossing film of all time by a significant margin, when ticket prices are adjusted for inflation.
JAMIE AND JEANNE’S SHOW AI ART FOR THE WEEK:
Blonde’s pie ass has intensified.
More flattering, and a great glass-throwing target
THE BEST:
Not the common look at the Civil War: Confederates are viewed today right up there with Nazis on the hierarchy of unacceptables, but of course the South has its own history, its own heroes, and its own reasons for its fight just like anybody else does. Despite the simplistic insistence that ‘ThEy JuSt HaTeD bLaCk PeOpLe,’ the overwhelming majority of southerners did not own slaves, and the overreaching federal government they opposed is a problem that has only worsened since.
What I can appreciate about Gone with the Wind is its central premise - the way of life erased in the Civil War and intentionally demonized since. That’s not to argue for slavery, of course, but it is to acknowledge that the South was much more than just that. Or maybe not. If the South actually was as boring, fickle, and hysterical as Scarlett is, then maybe Sherman had a point.
Culturally, it’s awfully strange that the farther we age away from this era, the more hostile to it we become. This movie was made under a century after an actual war that maimed and killed hundreds of thousands was fought, and our society was still willing to make a Confederate-friendly movie a massive success.
Release a confederate-friendly movie today? Won’t happen. Not only will the audience boycott it, but the studios will never make it in the first place.
(Unintentionally) excellent deaths: They aren’t supposed to be funny, but I’ll be damned if you didn’t laugh. They are by far the most entertaining parts of the movie. Scarlett shooting that Union deserter in the face is exactly the jolt I needed to get through this marathon. The limp, lifeless bodies of Scarlett’s dad and her daughter both dying in nearly identical horse jumping accidents are also hilarious. Did they die suddenly before the horse even jumped? Or was this an era before stunt doubles, so they just used dummies to do it?
But the best one is a death of a different sort: the miscarriage. Scarlett’s pathetic attempt to hit Rhett, the completely fake fall down the stairs, the screaming, the thud sounds - it’s classic ‘so bad it’s good.’ I rewound to watch that scene three times.
If only Scarlett had died too and the ending credits rolled right there - that’d be significant improvement.
She gets what she f**king deserves: While I hate Scarlett, I understand that at some level, I’m supposed to. The point of the story is not that everything works out for her - quite the opposite, obviously. Everyone she loves dies, and the man who loved her for years quits and leaves her. Even if I hate the writing, the performance, and the four hours it takes to tell a story about a whole lotta nothing, I can appreciate the theme: if someone really loves you, give that person a fair chance. Those people aren’t common, and it’d be a shame to break that person’s heart only to find yourself old and alone.
The fire scene is impressive: For a movie that’s lacking action, when it does dabble, it actually presents pretty well. As Rhett and Scarlett flee a burning Atlanta, the massive inferno looks really convincing. Because it’s real. It was actually the first scene filmed for the movie, and the studio just soaked their old sets in kerosene and lit them on fire to achieve it. They had one attempt to work with, and the results are the most impressive scene in the movie.
The best part of the movie
The second best part of the movie
Actually impressive, for its time
THE WORST:
Not enough Civil War, too much soap opera: If I appreciate an uncommon perspective on the Civil War, I don’t appreciate the Civil War being a footnote of the plot. The war is only relevant to the extent it effects Scarlett’s love life, which is the actual focus of the movie. Show more of the struggles of the men in Scarlett’s life, and less of her catty strategizing over them, and maybe I’d care which man she gets. As it is, this movie is just a four hour soap opera with an amputation, a rapey Yankee drifter, and a Gettysburg reference in passing.
Sure, there’s a little more than that, like the Atlanta fire scene I just referenced, but you get the point. This is not a Civil War movie. It’s a whiny harpy movie that just happens to be in that era.
Prissy is even worse: Listening to Scarlett complain and cry and yell about everything for this long is tough enough, but she’s not the only one. Prissy’s voice is just hideous. It’s so shrill and abrasive, I can’t even tell what she’s saying. The two of them shrieking together? Forget it. At least Scarlett slaps her, though.
It now has a ‘racism’ warning at the start: This isn’t the movie’s fault, so I don’t deduct Wickies for it, but it was a source of annoyance - the version of the movie I watched came with a ‘racism’ warning at the start, condemning the movie for its ‘wrong’ depictions of black people. Not only was this unnecessary coddling, but worse still, it was a false alarm. I expected to see some really harsh stuff. Nope. Not even a single N word, unless I missed it. In fact, race relations are very positive in this movie (yes, outside of the slavery, which is a big qualifier).
What I mean is nobody watches this movie and sees black people abused, mocked, or mistreated, but that of course is the problem for the wokescolds - it ‘whitewashes’ slavery, portraying it as benevolent. If the story is presented harshly and abusively, well that’s offensive for its cruelty. If the story is presented gently and positively, that’s offensive for mischaracterizing the abuse. You can’t win, and that’s the point.
Hope you like female hysteria, cuz you’re getting four hours of it
Unnecessary - I thought I would at least hear the N word
THE RATING: 2/5 Wickies. Just like Rhett, I don’t give a damn. Cut the movie in half, and have Scarlett fall down the stairs twice as much, and maybe there’s some salvageable entertainment.
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NEXT WEEK: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
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