Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Peace is our profession.
THE SUMMARY: Miscommunication compounded by incompetence leads to the United States accidentally causing nuclear apocalypse in the Cold War. On paper, I should love this movie: (attempted) dry, dark, witty humor, mockery of government as its primary theme, watching Murphy’s law apply extra strictly with everything politicians attempt to manage, resulting in inadvertent annihilation of the species and the planet. In practice though, I was nearly scratching my eyes out in boredom. Given that everyone else says this movie is among the best ever made, I suppose I’m the crazy one, but I’m not giving this one the Blade Runner bonus viewing - there’s only one version of it, and it’s the worst movie I’ve watched in this review series so far. At least Blade Runner threw in a boob or two to shake up the insufferable monotony.
THE BEST:
The ending’s much-anticipated mushroom cloud relief: I was so eager for the movie to end that nuclear holocaust sounded pretty refreshing, and scenes of mushroom clouds got me thinking about ways I could have better spent the last 90 minutes of my life. My only complaint with the ending was use of the song ‘We’ll Meet Again.’ For the love of God, I hope not.
General Ripper’s character: He’s like Alex Jones before there was Alex Jones - driven by a fear of fluoride in the water, but much better armed and prepared to do something about it. The few laughs I did get came from him, nearly exclusively. Mind your precious, precious bodily fluids!
Young James Earl Jones: It was cool to see him young, way before he was Luke’s father. It’s a shame his role was so minor - a voice like his that you can actually hear and understand clearly would have done wonders to improve this movie for me.
A different mask for young Vader
THE WORST:
The phone conversations: I get the bit is you can’t hear the other person in the conversation, and you have to imagine what they’re saying, but this recurring gag did nothing for me. It wasn’t funny with Turgidson’s mistress the first time, and it wasn’t any funnier the other three or so times they did it again… and again… and again. It’s not my job as a viewer to imagine a funny dialogue. It’s the writer’s job to write it.
The muffled and muddled speaking: Many of the characters have very thick accents: Mandrake the British officer, Dr. Strangelove the German scientist, the Russian ambassador, and others. And many of the American characters are constantly puffing cigars or otherwise obstructing their speech. The result is lines that are often very hard to hear. Volume up, didn’t matter - I struggled to understand what the hell people were saying, and when I finally could hear, the reward was realizing the jokes weren’t funny.
Way too dry, even for me: Obviously, I love some dry humor. But this movie is drier than a Tatooine sandstorm. Or a rusted Saharan water faucet. Or a menopausal camel’s snatch. And it’s certainly drier than me repeating these mediocre jokes, as repetition of unfunny bits is this movie’s main feature. Most of the jokes are incredibly labored, and many are so deadpan in their delivery I didn’t even realize they were jokes. It took me over 30 minutes to understand that comedy and satire were the intent. Combined with the audibility problems, I had to work very hard to find the humor in this movie, and no matter the style of your joke, it shouldn’t be this difficult to produce laughter, or at least a smirk of ‘I see what they did there.’ If comedy feels like work, it isn’t done right.
THE RATING: 1/5 Wickies. Have you ever felt legitimately enraged watching a movie, constantly checking the progress bar to see how much of this torture-fest is left? That was this movie for me.
YOUR RATING: Vote here ⬇
NEXT WEEK: (Finally) GoodFellas (1990). This is the last of Blonde’s picks, and given how many times it was barely edged out in the vote, it’s a fitting ender.
AFTER THAT? YOU PICK - VOTE! September’s movie nominations come from listener James!
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