John Wick (2014)
I once saw him kill three men in a bar with a pencil!
THE SUMMARY: A Russian gangster’s son makes the mistake of killing a retired hitman’s dog while stealing his car, so the hitman goes on a merciless murder-quest across New York City to achieve his vengeance. Maybe if John had bought a pit bull in the first place, all of this could have been avoided. If you like murder ballet, this is your movie. If you’re looking for anything beyond Keanu Reeves perpetually shooting people’s skulls across slightly varied environments, this one is a skip, as it is for me.
FROM MOVIE-PICKER MAD MURDOCK: If you watch this one, you’ll definitely want to watch the other two. Keanu Reeves is a good person in real life and I think that translates into his movies, which makes his characters more likable, such as this film where he is an assassin but you root for him throughout the film.
THE BEST:
The arsenal: It’s the movie equivalent of a Call of Duty match, so the loadouts are cool. The official tally is 20 different firearms, plus a few odds and ends, and various other weapons as well. The main characters all have safes full of collectibles I hope to gather eventually, so I got some enjoyment and inspiration out of the show-and-tell.
I respect the stunt work and the training: Throughout the series, Keanu Reeves has personally put the time and effort into weapons and combat training, working with Taran Tactical in California to develop the skills to create the scenes. Trainer Taran Butler says Keanu is ‘hands down’ the best weapons actor there currently is. I respect the commitment to the role, the development of real-life survival skills, and the willingness of a Hollywood actor to work with an evil, right-wing, pro-2A trainer. Taran Tactical even offers several John Wick custom guns, but just like John, you’ll probably have to rack up a lot of successful hits to be able to afford them.
Visually appealing, no-thinking action: The movie is well-shot, the action is well-performed, and it’s visually interesting throughout. If you’re in the mood for a turn-your-brain-off, video game-like movie experience, I can see how and why people would enjoy it. For me, I’d rather just play a video game.
THE WORST:
The Dr. Seuss of shooting people: John will shoot them in his home. John will shoot them in the dome. John will shoot them at the club. John will shoot them in the tub. John will shoot them here and there. John will shoot them everywhere. That’s the movie, for an hour and a half. Except the last guy - that’s the big twist. In that case, they agree to fight without guns. I never saw it coming. As skilled as the combat and the training for it may be, when that’s all the movie is, its impressiveness wears from overuse.
Choreographed combat is not for me: Quick, everybody - attack John one at a time, in sequence! I can’t sit through 90 minutes of this and still find it entertaining or believable. Next time, how about just a couple of you henchmen hold John down, and then one of you shoots him. Pretty simple. I bet I would make a great Russian mob boss. And an even better movie director. I will win an Oscar for my realistic movie, ‘Ten Dudes Easily Overpower One and Kill Him.’
Keanu’s acting is often hilariously bad: I haven’t seen many Keanu Reeves movies, but he has a reputation for sub-par acting performances. After this movie, I can see why. When John is captured by Viggo and makes an impassioned statement about ‘being back’ in the hitman game, I cracked up out loud. This was supposed to be a dramatic crescendo, but it was badly over-acted comedy. In fairness to Keanu, the writing was pretty bad too: ‘people keep asking if I’m back, and I haven’t really had an answer, but yeah, I’m thinking I’m back.’ Great line - compelling and rich.
A strong powerful woman fights John better than hordes of men: John quickly splatters the brain of every man who steps in front of him, and even when he’s not using guns, he’s choking guys out and stabbing them with ruthless efficiency. But once a chick shows up, he’s pushed to his combat limit, and she’s wearing high heels the whole time. Maybe a proper skirt and she would have won. At least they gave her equal pay in the end - the same shot to the head that everyone else gets.
I was laughing and I wasn’t supposed to be
THE RATING: 2/5 John Wickies. Slightly better than actually getting shot in the head by John Wick. Not for me, but I understand I’m in the minority given the series’ critical acclaim, so I’m willing to give the sequels a chance if they come up.
YOUR RATING: Vote here ⬇
NEXT WEEK: Dogma (1999)
AFTER THAT? YOU PICK - VOTE! October’s nominations come from listener Mad Murdock!
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