The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
I’m just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!
THE SUMMARY: What in the godd*mn f**k have I just watched? A newly engaged couple with a flat tire visits a house for help, but some tranny from space lives there, and he sings a bunch of songs and tries to have gay sex before some other freaks kill him and the house flies away, or something like that. I have no idea if that’s what the plot actually is or not, and I don’t care. This movie is great if you want Queen with less talent and even more AIDS. Otherwise, it’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen, and it’s not close.
FROM MOVIE-PICKER SPANDEXLURCH: A classic under-appreciated (at the time) rock musical, with the amazing Tim Curry, Barry Bostwick, Susan Sarandon, and Meatloaf.
JAMIE AND JEANNE’S AI FACESWAP ART:
I don’t want to see Frank-N-Furter’s seduction of these two.
How does this look even more tranny?
Get the laser gun.
This video converted me to collapsitarianism.
THE BEST:
I liked when he died: Thank you for becoming a non-binary statistic, but next time, get to it quicker.
But actually, nothing: It’s unwatchable, incoherent, degenerate garbage. No, young Susan Sarandon isn’t hot. No, Tim Curry isn’t remarkably talented. No, it doesn’t challenge norms or whatever bullshit butt-sniff nonsense you want to spin for why this movie has value. It doesn’t. And if you like it, I hate you.
The best part is when it's over and you never watch it again.
THE WORST:
What even in this story?: Go ahead - try to summarize this movie’s story in a sentence or two. I couldn’t do it above. Actually, try and summarize this movie’s story at all.
What the hell is even going on? Why is the doctor a tranny and also an alien? Why is the tranny doctor making a Frankenstein man? Especially why in the hell am I watching silhouette sex scenes with both Janet and Brad, but separately? And why is she cheating on him right after getting engaged? The silhouette sex scenes are so bad they make Top Gun’s look artful, by the way, and somehow are actually gayer. By being actually gay. Why did the other freaks kill the tranny? Why did the house take off? And what even happens to Brad and Janet in the end? Why is there no ending to this non-story?
In addition to all the tranny musical nonsense I could possibly hate, this movie’s ‘story’ is so bad it’s not even explainable or understandable.
Yes, even the music sucks ass: Even the music sucks. It’s not catchy, the lyrics are trash, half the time I can’t even hear them or understand them anyway, and all the songs just lack the punch and power of a quality production. I already forgot what all of them sound like, because there’s nothing memorable about them at all.
Yes, it is tranny propaganda: I’m not even pearl-clutching about seeing a disgusting tranny with a grotesquely gaping mouth that even Steven Tyler can’t match parade around in lingerie for 90 minutes. This movie is intentionally degenerate for just degeneracy’s sake. In an interview with The Sunday Times last year, the guy who wrote the screenplay and music (who describes himself as 70 percent male and 30 percent female) complained how this movie couldn’t be made anymore, supposedly because society is now more ‘transphobic’ or some nonsense. In actuality, if this movie came out today, it would win an Oscar, as long as the movie was re-cast with black people instead.
He says this movie is an intentionally subversive ‘family favorite,’ as though that’s not a contradiction in terms, and reminds us that ‘people are born gay, transgender… none of us asked for it. Our binary society says we’re supposed to justify what we are for some reason. Well, f**k off.’
It’s not ‘society’ that sets these terms - it’s God and nature itself. Nobody is born into this freak show. They are conditioned into it by absolute garbage presented as profound ‘art,’ like Rocky Horror. This isn’t just something weird and quirky. Its intent is to blur the lines between men and women, and thereby blur reality itself. As incoherent as it seems, the guy who made it knows exactly what he’s doing.
If you like this, then f**k you.
THE RATING: 1/5 Wickies, but that’s only formality. It deserves zero, and a kick in the nuts it already cut off. Rocky Horror is so bad, I apologize to Blade Runner, Citizen Cane, Oldboy, and every other movie I thought I passionately hated back when I didn’t even really understand what hate was, for including those movies in the same category as this one. They don’t deserve that. Everyone involved in Rocky Horror’s production belongs at Guantanamo, more than the actual terrorists do. At least the terrorists are based on the trannies.
YOUR RATING: Vote here ⬇ Note: if you get a notification saying you have already voted and you haven’t, this is because of an issue with iOS (Apple mobile devices). Try voting on a desktop or laptop computer.
NEXT WEEK: Nightcrawler (2014). Nightcrawler was nominated by listener Nick.
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