Gran Torino (2008)
Get off my lawn.
THE SUMMARY: A widowered Korean War vet finds purpose in helping an immigrant family fight off degenerate gangbangers and build something meaningful, ultimately sacrificing himself to the cause and spurning his family that lost its way. When I write it out that way, there are actually some themes in this one with which I strongly disagree, but what can I say… watching Clint point an M1 at someone’s face and call him a g**k is just really damn entertaining.
NO MOVIE-PICKER COMMENTARY THIS WEEK: Once again, the movie nominations were rejected in the vote two weeks ago, so Gran Torino is a random selection from IMDB’s top-250 list. It currently ranks #177.
JAMIE AND JEANNE’S AI FACESWAP ART:
Could come true one day - just not sure about wearing my pants that high.
Dog salad.
Bang.
Glad those construction guys had a good time.
I think you can say 'dragon lady' on YouTube. At least for now.
THE BEST:
All the many slurs/racial insults: Some are old classics and some I learned as new (or had forgotten and got a fresh reintroduction), but let me count the laughs: the joke at the bar, telling Sue to keep her hands off his dog, telling Thao he thought ‘slopes’ were supposed to good at math, calling Sue a ‘dragon lady,’ asking what the hell the ‘spooks’ are up to, and of course, the humility of Walt rejecting his own heroism. All he did was keep some jabbering g**ks off his lawn.
Do I appreciate these scenes because I have a junior high sense of humor? Yes - yes I do. But on a deeper level, Walt’s character represents something very important: you can be ‘racist’ in your views, and still a fundamentally good person, as even dragon lady recognizes. Don’t believe the propaganda otherwise.
Everything about the barber shop scenes: As funny as this movie is throughout, the peak is Walt’s interactions with his barber. The insults they trade in the first scene are hilarious, but the ‘training’ for Thao on how to talk like a man is an all-time classic. Talking shit while nervous and unsure is inherently funny, but of course the line about the guys at the construction site butt-raping him is the punch. And the reaction is just as good as the joke.
But like all the comedy in this movie, it’s not just crude for crude’s sake. It’s illustrating an important point: this is actually how men bond. We talk shit to each other, we insult, and we compete. An unfamiliar woman would view Walt’s interaction with the barber and think they hate each other. Quite the opposite.
This is the big problem with censoring the internet in the way we have the last decade or so: video game chats, comment sections, video content, and more - this style of communication is a natural male outlet, and it’s actually healthy. Ban it, and the aggression reveals itself in other, more harmful ways.
Make shit-talking manly again. Before we get more mass shootings.
Work will set you free (but actually): People now think the phrase is some Nazi propaganda because its synonymous with the gates of Auschwitz, but it’s actually based in John’s Gospel, and more importantly, it’s just true: you want real freedom? Work. Build something. Construct the prosperity you want yourself. If you don’t want masters, you must become self-sufficient.
This is the fundamental lesson of manhood that Walt teaches Thao. To become a man, stop waiting around for others to do things for you (like the gang), and start building skills and things yourself. It doesn’t matter what you build - just build something. Through the effort, you will find everything you are supposed to. The way Walt teaches Thao is the way every father should teach his son, and certainly the way I intend to teach mine.
Keep cool under stress: As they plot their revenge, Walt urges Thao to stay calm. There’s deep truth in this theme: the times we feel the most emotional are the times it’s most crucial to keep cool. Bad decisions are made on impulse. Even if you are morally justified in your rage, as Thao is, prosperity isn’t built on rage. It’s built on forethought. Stop. Think ahead.
Proper home defense: I get it - we’re all supposed to have tricked-out high-tech supressed .300 blackout setups and such these days. And those are cool and practical, yes. If I could only take one gun for defending life and liberty, it’s what I’d pick. But damn is it cool to whip out the other Old Glory, the M1 Garand. The rifle is part of what makes the scene so iconic. The only thing better would have been wasting those G-words and hearing the ‘ping!’ to close. That sound is more American than an eagle screech echoing through the Grand Canyon. I’d say chills, but Walt would rightly call me a pussy.
The actual point is whatever you choose to defend your castle, just be proficient with it, and unafraid when the moment demands its deployment. Walt certainly is.
You're guaranteed to learn at least one new one.
My experience was on Xbox Live instead of at the barber.
Get off my lawn.
THE WORST:
It’s kinda globohomo prop: The movie is kinda globalist propaganda. Walt ditches his own family, and finds purpose among a community he thought he hated, so it sure is good his neighborhood is overtaken by immigrants. How serendipitous.
At least that’s how you can view it cynically. There is another angle, though. Walt is a man who’s psychologically tortured by his war experience, so even if he wouldn’t admit it, he feels a guilt toward the ‘g**ks.’ Since he’s already dying, and disappointed in his lost cause family, he thinks he can atone for the acts he committed against these people and finally reach peace at his death.
The latter is the way I choose to view it, for two reasons: 1) it helps me enjoy a movie I love more, but if you find that unsatisfying, 2) I think there’s a reason the next door family is Asian, and not some other minority like black or Latino. If this family is black or Latino, I’m not sure Walt feels the same debt to them, and I don’t think the story plays out the same way.
The problem is, even with my more charitable view, Walt still treats his family like crap.
No, don’t screw over your family, even if they suck: Yes, Walt’s family sucks. His sons and their wives and kids are all trying to get stuff out of him, instead of just loving their grandfather for its own sake. These characters are hateable and the movie makes them hatable, so we get why Walt hates them.
But as a father, you can’t you turn your back on your kids this way. At least for just attitudinal problems, not serious moral misbehavior. Your primary obligation is to provide for your family, despite their flaws or failures, and if they are insufferable, you have a moral obligation to guide them toward a better path. Yes, even when your kids are adults with kids of their own.
Walt leaves his home to the church, which is clearly just a move of spite that he dishonestly assigns to his wife’s wishes, and leaves his prized namesake car to Thao. In no world do you leave your wealth to an institution you despised and some immigrant family you met five seconds ago, just because you’re mad. Indeed, as described, Walt advocates against such impulsive, emotional decisions. Especially when Thao and his family actually attacked Walt. They brought violence to his neighborhood, and tried to steal his car. As annoying as Walt’s kids and grandkids are, they aren’t degenerate thieves. The ending is silly, and morally misguided.
The only way I can interpret this plot point more charitably is that Walt is just a broken man, screwed up by war. We’re not supposed to view him as ‘good’ - indeed, he didn’t want that in his life. Accordingly, we’re not supposed to view his actions in death as ‘good’ either. Like everything else that defined him, it’s just what was necessary in the moment (even if it actually wasn’t).
No, tax evasion is not the same as stealing: When Walt goes to confession before his death, he says he sold some car parts for a profit and didn’t pay taxes on it, which he says is ‘the same as stealing.’ No, it absolutely is not. The taxes are the theft. Walt earned the money, not the government, and no amount of voting or legislation changes the moral truth that he’s entitled to it, not someone else by force. This claim is even boomer-ier nonsense than his will. Otherwise based Walt still worships daddy government for some reason. Now he’s the pussy.
A pretty bad fight scene: Clint was in his late 70s when this movie was made, and maybe he didn’t want to use a stunt double or something. But wow, the ‘combat’ when Walt confronts Smokey is rough. Some of the fakest punches and stomps I’ve seen in a modern movie. I’m not sure why these turned out so bad - it’s not really complicated stunt work.
If you screw over your family like this, you're not the good guy.
Should have hired Edward Norton for better stomping.
THE RATING: 5/5 Wickies. I have more conceptual and philosophical criticism than I usually do for a Five Wicky™, but what I love about this movie, I really love. A rare combination of important serious themes and hilarious comedy, Gran Torino is unforgettable and just as excellent on my second watch a decade and a half later.
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NEXT WEEK: Up (2009). All movie nominations were again rejected in the vote last week, so Up is a random selection from IMDb’s top-250 list. It currently ranks #112.
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