The Boondock Saints (1999)
You guys gotta teach me that prayer. That’s some good sh*t, man.
THE SUMMARY: Twin brother vigilantes rid Boston of criminals and degenerates while an FBI agent tracks them down, becoming his authentic self as he realizes his job and justice are two very different things. This is a movie I should have seen long ago, but haven’t until now. It has everything I love - complex moral philosophy, good gunplay, just enough comedy, and absolutely zero concern for political correctness.
Movie-picker Matt has opted out of commentary, but we thank him for his nominations.
JAMIE AND JEANNE’S AI FACESWAP ART:
I think Blonde will look more feminine for Civil War II, but the spirit is there.
My sons and I in about thirty years.
Still better than tranny Dafoe.
THE BEST:
The government and justice are not the same, but is vigilantism the solution?: The movie’s central theme is obviously and directly applicable today. If you aren’t dreaming of a vigilante squad restoring justice, decency, and normality in an increasingly degenerate society, you aren’t paying much attention. Up is down, poverty is prosperity, men are women, and, fundamentally, wrong is right and right is wrong. And all of that inversion is facilitated significantly through government endorsement and enforcement, so if there is to be a return to truth, justice, and order, it won’t be through this government’s work.
All of that is to say that government and justice are different concepts, of course. The concept of justice pre-exists government, and government exists to serve it, not to define it. The government is merely a tool to pursue justice, but it is not justice itself. Therefore the government, like any other tool, can be misused and corrupted unjustly too, as most sane people acknowledge we’re watching right now.
But just because the government is corrupt, does that mean Saints-style vigilantism is the solution? Not long-term, though it absolutely can be a superior alternative temporarily. The reason vigilantism is not the long-term path to justice is because it lacks process. If the truth is the foundation of any justice system, and it should be, then a process to discover the truth must be implemented and preserved, as well as the rights of the accused to protect against false accusations.
The point is that while justice might be swift and easy in uncommonly degenerate and wicked times, long-term, it isn’t. It requires the slow, methodical evaluation of evidence, to minimize human passion and mistakes. And none of us are God, so we will make them.
So if we are designing a justice system from scratch, no - I can’t endorse the Saints. However, there are things worse than them, and they include society that kills just as brutally as they do, but without any regard for right and wrong, or even in service to evil instead. If I have to choose between the way we’re heading and the Saints? That’s a different question. For that short-term application, to restore the foundation on which a proper justice system must be built, the Saints’ method might be just the necessary bandaid-rip. Defensively, Susan. Or Raja Mohan.
Feds are gay trannies: I’m still not sure I understand the intended point of making Smeckler, Dafoe’s FBI agent character, gay. Or a tranny/drag queen either, though I gather that was a disguise. The cuddle scene completely surprised me. At first I wondered what the relevance was, until I realized the inherent wisdom of making the fed gay and/or trans. It’s like giving a zebra stripes, or a cow spots. A fed isn’t a fed unless he’s gay. Plus the ‘cuddle? What a f4g!’ line makes me laugh every time I hear it.
Rocco’s racist joke: Speaking of good ones, Rocco’s racist joke to impress Papa Joe is likewise great. It’s slow to develop, but the delivery is hilarious. Is it the most clever writing of all time? No, not really. But that’s not the point. It’s the tension of the scene, and wondering where the joke is going, and most importantly, what the joke represents culturally: a time when entertainment was coming out of Hollywood, instead of the crap now proving the joke’s point kinda true - every minority group gets pandered to, and white people get hated.
Dafoe and Joker: Dafoe’s dancing bits reminded me so much of the iconic stair dance scene in Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker that I thought the Joker scene might be some homage to this movie. Not just in physical style, but in theme: the absolute embrace of the chaos in response to fundamentally unjust times. Apparently not though, or at least I can’t find any mention of a connection between the two.
As good as Dafoe (mostly) is in this movie, I think he would have made a better Joker. Shame it never happened, but maybe there’s still time. He’s only 68. Worst case, he could be Joker in Arkham Nursing Home, or something like that.
Government and justice are not the same.
Cuddle? What a f4g!
I’ll have a coke, then.
THE WORST:
God’s calling is very underwhelming: The whole point of the movie is that God has given the Saints a calling to rid the world of evil so that good may flourish. But if you grab a beer, or take a piss, you’ll miss that crucial development. Or even if you see the thirty-second scene, but confuse it for a dream, you’ll misunderstand the divinity of the calling. I actually didn’t understand that was supposed to be God himself, until I read more about the movie after watching it.
I have three problems with how underwhelming this message from God is:
1) It’s the moral heart of the movie, but it gets the same time as a joke gay cuddle session.
2) If you miss that point, you miss the entire justification for the Saints’ actions. If that was actually God himself, and not a figment of imagination or a dream, the Saints are compelled to do his bidding - understanding that point is key to understanding the movie.
3) The message of God himself is so weak and brief? Where’s the commanding presence? Where’s the authority? Where’s the obvious godliness?
But maybe that’s the point - there’s supposed to be ambiguity, because none of us have such a clear communication channel with God himself.
Whatever the intent, God’s calling is quick and easily missed. The scene deserved more emphasis, clarity, and depth.
The street interviews: This point is completely inconsequential for the overall quality of the movie, which tells you I have very little negative to say about it. In concept, I like the street interviews that play during the closing credits. These are the people of the city debating the first point of this review - is vigilantism inherently bad, or can it be good?
In practice though, these segments came out really rough. Terrible scripting and worse performing made them completely inauthentic, and several of those ‘interviewed’ just say ‘no comment.’ Why would ‘no comment’ clips make the cut? By definition, they provide no commentary on the moral issue, but they don’t offer comedic or entertainment value otherwise either. Interesting idea - terrible execution.
Dafoe’s acting is maybe a little overdone: As written above, I have overwhelming praise for Dafoe’s performance in this movie. And I’d rather have him too eccentric and energized than reserved and boring. But some of his scenes are overacted to a silly degree. Specifically, his rage when he realizes the Saints used ammonia to disguise their blood. It was acted in the same style as the kid whose mom canceled his World of Warcraft account. It’s completely insane for a guy who investigates crime scenes like this for a living. But I guess that’s supposed to be the point - this was the final frustration that caused him to turn away from the gay fed life.
That’s all God’s got?
Or maybe this insanity is why he went trans.
The only post of it I could find - not sure what’s happening in the background of this weird recording.
THE RATING: 5/5 Wickies. It’s actually closer to four, but the gay tranny FBI character is worth a half-Wicky to me, so that rounds up. It’s my first five-Wicky of 2024. I haven’t awarded one since Eternal Sunshine in early December.
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NEXT WEEK: The Book of Eli (2010)
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