Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Your mom goes to college.

NOTE: This will be the last movie review for now, as Blonde has decided to quit the show. It’s possible a movie review bit returns in the future, but in the short term, my attention is required elsewhere. Thanks to all who made this segment a fun diversion for the last three-plus years.

THE SUMMARY: An awkward high schooler makes a new friend, and helps him win the student body presidency while navigating family difficulties and courting a young lady. On paper, there is nothing of value to this movie at all. As performed, it’s one of the best comedies ever.

FROM MOVIE-PICKER ME: Napoleon was released at the start of my junior year of high school. That entire year, I had to hear everyone quoting it all the time: ‘your mom goes to college,’ ‘my lips hurt real bad,’ ‘don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day,’ etc. Because I heard this movie referenced so often for two or three years, when I finally watched it in college, I wanted to hate it. Despite my predisposition against it, I couldn’t. It’s funny for a special reason: it’s superbly cast and performed. Every character is A+, so lines that don’t seem funny in writing are hilarious when delivered. I haven’t watched Napoleon for at least ten years, but it holds up, and the lines are still memorable. My wife and I were quoting it all the way through.

JAMIE AND JEANNE’S AI FACESWAPS:

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Don’t be jealous.

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This uncle hates football, actually.

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I don’t think she would campaign for me.

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Straight outta Detroit.

I couldn’t do this dance if I had ‘infinity’ years to practice.

THE BEST:

• Writing isn’t everything - performance matters: If I read this script on paper, I wouldn’t think ‘great movie.’ The story is really about nothing. A high school kid struggles socially bet gets some redemption by challenging himself outside his comfort zone. Wow. Even the jokes don’t read funny. They aren’t all that clever. The comedy is all in the delivery and performance. Napoleon is demonstration that it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. Style matters.

• My favorite scenes and lines: To that point, it’s not about clever writing - these are only funny because of the delivery.

  • Napoleon’s ‘one percent’ move on Deb (actually this one is kind of about writing - it’s funny on paper)

  • The entire ‘don’t be jealous’ exchange (including ‘make yourself a dang case-a-dilla!,’ and of course Kip’s legendary ‘jeez!’ you hear frequently used on the show)

  • The bonus wedding scene after the credits (I still sing Kip’s song to my wife sometimes)

  • Deb’s saleswoman scene (specifically ‘your mom goes to college!’ and ‘I already made like infinity of those at scout camp!’)

• Every character is perfectly cast: Praising the delivery and performance of the actors implies good casting, but I raise this point to emphasize that every character is a hit, not just the main ones. Uncle Rico, LaFawnduh, Grandma Carlinda, all of them - there isn’t a character I would change. The way they all work together is amazing, and notably, as far as I’m aware, none of them went on to be major stars beyond this movie. Jon Heder had some opportunities, but he never again met or surpassed Napoleon. This was a cast of destiny - amazing together, and apparently just okay apart.

• Napoleon’s ‘skills’ are actually quite important: Yes, I’ll pull a little philosophical value out of a comedy in violation of my judgment criteria. Napoleon’s discussion of the necessary ‘skills’ to impress girls comes off as a bit, and it is, but there’s serious wisdom behind it. Yes, men - women look for high value in your skillset, because it indicates your ability to provide. And yes, we should constantly seek to develop new skills, even if they seem silly. You never know when, like Napoleon, your unexpected skillset will be highly useful and valuable. No matter your profession, providing value is your job - think creatively about new ways to do it.

• Thank you for not making a sequel (kinda): Napoleon Dynamite did what many great movies don’t - resist making a sequel. Napoleon is a classic they never tried to re-create or cash in on again, except, of course, for that crappy cartoon show. The cartoon was years later and short-lived. They shouldn’t have done that, so this is only a partial point of appreciation.

You could drink whole if you wanted to.

A dang case-a-dilla.

Always and forever.

THE WORST:

• It’s all Jon Heder could do: It’s not a knock on the movie, but it’s clear that Jon Heder just is Napoleon Dynamite. There are certainly people who appreciate Blades of Glory a lot more than I do, but it’s fair to say this magic was never again created. He can do this character, and he did it exceptionally well, but that was it. In fairness though, I’d certainly rather be a one-hit wonder than a no-hit wonder.

  Amazingly, Jon Heder took the role of Napoleon for only $1,000, but later negotiated for more money after the movie became a massive success. That’s like a dollar an hour, indeed. The movie had only a $400,000 budget, but earned nearly $45M in theaters - an incredible return. By percentage, this source says it was the 12th most profitable movie of all time.

Jon Heder counts his royalties.

THE RATING: 5/5 Wickies. Hilarious and memorable, and in a unique way: in pure performance. It’s nothing special on paper, hence the tiny production budget, but exceptionally good casting and delivery make it a classic.

YOUR RATING: Vote here ⬇ Note: if you get a notification saying you have already voted and you haven’t, this is because of an issue with iOS (Apple mobile devices). Try voting on a desktop or laptop computer.

Thank you for reading and enjoying, or hating. It’s been my pleasure to do the segment with you, and create many spirited debates.