The Hunt for Red October (1990)
A little revolution now and then is a healthy thing, don't you think?
THE SUMMARY: A Cold War Soviet submarine captain tries to defect to the United States, and American and Russian forces race to eliminate him, but a CIA agent saves the day because ‘trust me bro.’ Presented with the full world’s range of accents, from Moscow to Edinburgh deployed at random, it’s boring, it’s full of silly nonsense and plot holes, and there’s little of interest in the story. It goes exactly where you expect it to go.
FROM MOVIE-PICKER ‘THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS’: A classic action film from the 90s. Capturing the essence of the Cold War tension and warfare, it features Sean Connery in his prime, along with Alec Baldwin, who luckily, killed no one in this filming.
JAMIE AND JEANNE’S SHOW AI ART FOR THE WEEK:
I’m just glad Blonde got Alec Baldwin.
THE BEST:
Find freedom and prosperity in Montana: I didn’t much enjoy the movie, but I did appreciate the sentiment. If you want pristine landscapes, quality living, and good old-fashioned American freedom, Montana is the place to be. Ramius’ executive officer Borodin understands, and plans to settle in Montana when they finally reach the states. Even as he’s shot, his dying regret is that his Montana dream won’t be realized.
Don’t waste your time with New York City, Los Angeles, or the rest of the concrete abyss. Montana is the real America, and always has been.
Human intuition can still beat the computers: There’s a good scene where Jones, the sonar operator for the Dallas, the American sub hunting for October, tells the sub’s captain that he believes he has identified October’s route. He discovers a sound frequency, and the computer tells him it’s magma displacement. Unconvinced, Jones conducts some more analysis and identifies a recurring, rhythmic sound that could only be generated by human activity, i.e., a very quiet submarine.
The point? As the sub captain says, a multi-million dollar computer can only do so much. Even as much as AI has advanced since then, enough to draw me as James Earl Jones above, there will likely always be a superior and irreplaceable quality to human intuition. It doesn’t mean that we’re better at math than the robots. We aren’t. It doesn’t mean that we can think faster than the robots. We can’t. It means that intelligence often requires the uniquely human elements of skepticism, curiosity, and yes, gut feeling. Until the robots figure out those traits, they’ll have at least one important disadvantage.
Then I will live in Montana.
So let me get this straight…
THE WORST:
Just pick a language, dammit: Why are they speaking Russian, then switching to English with intermittent terrible Russian accents? Yes, I get it - the movie tries to explain this switch by zooming in and out to convey that you as the viewer are now understanding the Russians speak their language. But if you’re going with that approach, that the listener now understands the Russian-speakers, there’s no need to attempt the accent. The viewer understands you. The viewer is supposed to understand you. Don’t make it less understandable and less authentic.
Making the accent worse, it’s inconsistent across characters. Sean Connery doesn’t even bother with it and sticks with his native Scottish accent throughout.
The problem is that inconsistency. If you want subtitles, go with subtitles. If you want Russian accent English, go with that. This movie is a mess of sometimes Russian, sometimes English with a bad Russian accent, sometimes Scottish guy seemingly trying to sound even more Scottish than usual. It creates total inauthenticity and makes the presentation funny, which of course is not the intent.
Why is the Russian ambush sub not detected?: The whole point of the story is that the October is all but undetectable because of its ‘caterpillar’ propulsion system. That’s why the sub is so valuable. And that’s why the Americans gotta have it.
Except the second Russian sub, the Konovalov, shows up and starts firing torpedoes too, completely undetected prior. Indeed, Greer shouts in disbelief, ‘what do you mean, another torpedo? Where the hell did it come from?!’ So I guess really any Russian sub can do what the October can, then. There goes the whole point of the story.
Why doesn’t the cook just blow up the sub, instead of attacking with a gun?: He’s been secretly aboard the sub this whole time, but instead of completing his mission and blowing it up, he starts shooting people first? Why? They’ll die anyway if he just blows up the sub without attracting any interference beforehand. It’s not that hard to touch the wires and kill everybody. There are also easier ways to get shot by Alec Baldwin, too.
The plot couldn’t be more obvious and uninteresting: As the plot develops, there’s never a doubt that Ramius will be saved by Ryan, the Russians will lose, the Americans will win, and the day will be saved. Nobody actually believes the October will be destroyed. Nobody actually believes Ramius or Ryan will die. And they don’t. They just sacrifice Alan Grant from Jurassic Park, but you don’t actually care about him yet because that movie’s not out for three more years.
There’s nothing compelling about it. There’s no difficult choice to make, or moral predicament. Ramius just drives to America, the end. The hunt for anything interesting, is more like it.
Why do I really care if Ramius does defect, anyway?: Yes, I understand the October has new tech the Americans want to obtain. Yes, I understand that in the end, Ramius says he defected because he believed the October was going to be used to launch a first strike against the US. But that’s the problem - the stakes aren’t revealed until the end, so I don’t care for the duration of the movie prior. And I don’t care about Ramius personally, because there’s little explanation for why he actually wants to defect. He doesn’t explain his gripe with the Soviet Union. He doesn’t explain his appreciation for the United States, if any. He’s just a guy doing this for unexplained purposes, which doesn’t make me invested in his success.
Can we just pick a language plan and go with it please?
Since any sub can surprise so easily, I guess the caterpillar is irrelevant then.
You coulda blown up the sub any time, dude.
THE RATING: 2/5 Wickies. I’ve enjoyed many a Tom Clancy video game in my day: Splinter Cell, Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six, and more. This was no such enjoyment, but at least it’s right about Montana.
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IN TWO WEEKS (OCTOBER 1): The Dark Knight (2008). Since Blonde is away for the September 24 show, we will review this one when she’s back on October 1.
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