Tremors (1990)
Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers!
THE SUMMARY: A small desert town is taken over by mysterious underground snake monsters in the worst game of ‘the floor is lava’ ever played. Is it unfair to judge a 30-year-old movie by modern standards? Maybe if effects, visuals, and production were its only problems, but they aren’t. It isn’t scary. It isn’t funny. It isn’t well-written. It isn’t entertaining. I was eagerly hoping every character would die, and most of them don’t.
THE BEST: Tactical Reba McEntire. Points for the gunslinging. More points for the ‘90s bangs.
THE WORST: There are more things to list here than my time allows, but the lowest lows:
Horrendous visual/special effects. Yeah, it’s late ‘80s/early ‘90s, but my god. I think they used Smucker’s for gore.
Nonsensical logic. I know, nobody likes the guy who applies real-world logic to a fantasy scenario. But I’m him. Why is the girl studying the seismic activity in the area the last to know about the monsters? Chicks in STEM, amirite? Why can the monsters sense footsteps, but not pole vaulting? Why are boulders safe zones, but cars and gigantic buildings aren’t?
Terrible characters. Rhonda is a ‘scientist’ who knows nothing about her field of study and takes lessons from desert rednecks instead. Melvin goes from annoying as the boy who cried wolf to annoying as the boy who just cries because he’s a giant pussy. Mr. Chang is so pointless that nobody even cares five seconds after they watch him die a hideously gruesome death.
Incomplete plot/unsatisfying ending. Wow, Kevin Bacon kissed some chick who never did anything in movies after that. Cool. But what exactly are these monsters? Where did they come from? That’s the whole point of the movie, and it’s never explained.
THE RATING: 2/5 Wickies, and that’s as generous as I can get. I debated one.
YOUR RATING: Vote here ⬇
NEXT WEEK: THEY LIVE (1988)
AFTER THAT? YOU PICK - VOTE! (Note - an earlier poll on this review mistakenly listed ‘Aliens’ in place of ‘Alien’ - for that reason I reset the voting on Sunday, May 9)